Dear Thea,

In two days you will be 7 months old! Just like that, 7 months have flown by. It makes me so sad that you aren't my tiny, helpless baby anymore but it is also the most amazing thing to watch you grow and develop. You seem to learn new things every day. You are the happiest baby. You are always smiling. Even when you are fussing about something, you can't help but smile back when Dad or I smile at you. You think Dad is the funniest person on the plant. No one gets you to laugh like him. I'd be jealous except I completely understand. Daddy is a pretty great guy.

You are pure sunshine sweet baby. You have brightened my life in the most magical way. I always expect the newness to wear off. I keep expecting to not be so obsessed with you one day. But my heart still feels like it will burst out of my chest every time I look at you. I don't think it could hold any more love. I still find myself staring at you amazed that you are mine. That love and that amazement will never wear off. I hope that you always know and feel the greatness of my love. 

Love,
Mom

Dear Thea,

YOU ARE HERE! 

You entered the world 1 week early on September 28, 2015 at 11:04am. Your birth story is posted here. It was the most scary and emotional day of my life. And the best!

For almost 10 months I thought constantly of you, wondered what you would look like, planned and prepared for you, and loved you. But none of that could have prepared me for the moment I first saw you and held you in my arms. I could never have imagined how much more I could love you. 

You are more beautiful than I could ever imagine and absolutely perfect. It's been almost 2 weeks now and motherhood is the best. I love spending every second of each day with you and already dread the day I have to leave you to go back to work. But for now I am enjoying every time you grip my finger, every snuggle, every nursing session, even every diaper change. I know that these days are going to be over before I know it. 

My desire is to always be intentional in my time with you. To make our moments more that just existing side by side. I want you to always know and feel loved and important. 

The moment you were born, my entire life changed for the better. Your dad and I couldn't be happier. 

Bursting with love,

Mom

Dear Thea,

Yes...you officially have a name! Thea Kay Caram. On May 19th, we found out that you are our precious baby GIRL! Daddy was hoping for a boy to come first so he could have a little help protecting and beating away the boys as you enter your teenage years, but you are already wrapped around his little finger. This is you! This was taken the day we found out who you are and I love that you seem to be smiling at us, as if you were just as excited to let us know.

20 weeks

Each time I have gotten to see you on a sonogram or hear your heartbeat has been the very best day. It is always so reassuring and humbling to be reminded how God has blessed me with you. Oh Thea, you are so loved already.

Children are a gift from the Lord;they are a reward from him.

Psalm 127:3

I pray for you every single day. I pray that you continue growing strong and healthy- physically and mentally. I pray that God give me the wisdom and ability to be the best mother that I can. I pray that I always remember to give you back to God daily. And I pray already that as you get older, you remember Him and keep Him close. 

I have started to feel you more and more this past week. Every tiny tap that I feel as you move around brings a smile to my face. Your dad places his hand on my belly and tries so hard to feel you. Pretty soon, I will get to see the smile it brings to his face to feel you too. In just 4 short months, you'll be here. We will get to meet you face to face. I will get to hold you, and nurse you, and love you even more. Life will never be the same. And I can't wait.

Anxiously Awaiting,
Mom

Dear Baby C,

Overjoyed. Hopeful. Terrified. Ecstatic. Thankful. There are not enough words to describe how I feel right now. Tears are in my eyes and I have to keep reminding myself that this is not just another dream. This is real! God willing, in 9 months I will get to hold you in my arms for the first time and meet you face to face. Yes....You have officially been conceived. I'm pregnant! 

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.

1 Samuel 1:27

You are barely the size of an apple seed right now but you are a real, living, breathing child and you're mine. Already I can't imagine life without you. I have so much to prepare. My days have already been spent researching how to help you grow and develop the best way I can while you are inside of me. I will always want the best for you.

Your dad and I have never been more excited or happy. We can not wait to meet you. Pretty soon these letters to you will actually have a name! We love you so much already.

Officially,

Mom

Dear Baby C,

I've been dreaming about you lately. Last week, I dreamed that I was hugely pregnant, awaiting your arrival any day. The excitement I felt throughout the dream was enough to last through the bleary- eyed dreariness even once I awoke. Last night I once again had a dream that I was pregnant. This time I had just taken the test and started crying as I looked down at the little lines confirming that I was indeed with child. I was so happy and so scared that it was wrong and I would just be getting my hopes up. As the dream went on, the fear turned to excitement and I spent the rest of the dream planning fun ways to tell Chris. Waking up from both of these dreams was bittersweet. This morning I had a smile on my face as I realized how very like me the last dream was. From the fear and unbelief to the excitement and wanting to surprise Chris. 

Oh Baby C, I can't wait for these dreams to become reality. Your dad and I have both been to the doctor now. There's nothing major holding us back from conceiving. I have hope that it's only a matter of time before I hear your heartbeat and feel you growing inside of me. I know these dreams are a sort of wish fulfillment stemming from the desire in my heart. But I also know that we serve an amazing God who wants those things for us when we are seeking His plan and purpose. I know that God has a reason for this trial and time of waiting. I am learning to lean more on God when I feel broken. I am learning patience. And I am sure I will appreciate it more when it does happen.  

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires.

Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.

Be still in the presence of the LORD,and wait patiently for him to act.

Psalm 37: 4-5,7

I hope, through these letters, that you are able to learn something too one day. I hope, through these letters and through life, you always know undoubtedly that I love you. But also know, Baby C, God's love for us is unimaginable. 

Love,Mom

Dear Baby C,

I have wanted to write to you for a very long time. Writing letters to my child has been an idea in my head since the idea of ever having a child at all. Writing you letters to document your many firsts as you grow from an infant to toddler, to give you the advice of a mother as you navigate your teenage years, to communicate with you even when you may not want to listen to me in person. Writing you letters that one day would be given to you to look back to and know your mother's heart.

I'm still not sure if it's a great idea to start yet. I have been putting it off for a couple of years. Waiting for the right time to begin. You see...you haven't even been conceived yet. And I feel like putting these letters out here before then could haunt me later...should you never arrive. But I finally decided that maybe writing to you could be therapeutic. And that, God willing, you would be able to see one day how much you are wanted and loved..even before you existed. I guess I should explain...

I have been trying to conceive for almost 2 years. For 2 years, your dad and I have anxiously awaited the news that you were in my belly and have prayed desperately for you. It's a scary thought to think that I could never see your face, to know who you are. But I will continue trusting in God and His timing. Sometimes I am impatient, sometimes I cry and wonder why...but I know that He has a greater plan than I could understand and that He hears my prayers. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Romans 8:28

I want you to know, Baby C, that I love you. Even now. And that I cannot wait for the day that God chooses me to be your mother.

Prayerfully waiting,
Mom