Dear Thea, 

Man, has life been a ride lately! The last few months have brought a lot of changes for our family. We decided to sell our 4 bedroom house of 5 years and buy a TINY HOUSE. Which meant a loooot of preparation selling most of what we owned and packing everything else. Then we moved into a one bedroom apartment and moved AGAIN when the tiny was finished being built. We just moved in last weekend and are in the thick of unpacking and assembling all the things in the tiny now. Needless to say, in all the hustle and bustle of the past 5 months, there hasn't been much time for the family nights and connection time that we are accustomed to. I can tell it's begun to take it's toll on you. You've been emotional and angry more often the past few weeks. I'm trying to have all the patience and grace because I KNOW things are off. I feel it too. But I keep failing. I keep losing my cool. I have so much mom guilt about how much we've had to "ignore" you in our busyness of getting things done. I wonder if you feel unseen or unloved. I can only hope you can look back and know we were trying our best. That we feel the toll it's taken, also. Never once, in all the craziness, did I not love you or want you there. Everything I do is for you. I'm trying to get us all settled as quickly as possible so that we can get back to our weekly family nights and spend quality time together. I love you.

Love, 

Mommy

 Dear Thea, 

You are pure LIGHT, my girl. You are genuinely funny, love trying new things, and are exceptionally kind and affectionate. You truly CARE for other people. Every day at dinner we discuss our high and low of the day and your low is almost always about how a friend was sad or hurt. It's an empathy that I hope you never lose. Yes, you are also still a normal little girl with a lot of moments of pure attitude and we seem to butt heads more as you get older, but even in the rough moments, you light up my days. I can't express how much I enjoy being your mom. Not just a mom, but specifically YOUR mom. It is the greatest joy of my life. I love you MOST.

-Mommy

 -Written in iPhone Notes November 3, 2021

Dear Thea, 

I still find myself lost in staring at you and marveling in who you are and the fact that you're mine. I've had you a little over 6 years and I don't think I'll ever get used to it. The days can sometimes feel so long and so hard but I wouldn't trade a single second. The years are going too quickly and I feel desperate to hold onto every moment that passes. If only I could freeze time. I know that I'm living the best years of my life right now. Being your mom- doing this parent thing with your dad- is the best, most fulfilling thing I've ever done.

I love watching you grow. Every day you become more independent, brave, smart, kind, and affectionate. You have such a loving, empathetic heart. I love you and who you are becoming. 

Sometimes I worry about how you'll see me. What will you remember about this time with me?

*Note ends

I came across this note today. I don't think it was ever finished. I do worry. The older you get, the more I worry. Each year, sometimes what feels like even each day, brings a new set of parenting challenges. So often, I feel like I fail at them. I yell when I shouldn't. I don't extend grace when I should. I let emotions/anxiety/etc get the best of me and affect our home. My hope and prayer is that when you look back on these days- the best days of MY life- that it's full of fond memories. That you always know how much you have always been so deeply loved. 

Love, 

Mommy