Dear Thea,
Here we are 2 days before your NINTH birthday. There have been so many surreal moments throughout this past year. Eight has always been such a significant year in my mind. In my own life, it's the first real year I remember. Everything that came before is such a blur. It's the definitive year when everything began to change in my life. The BEFORE and AFTER... the beginning of the path that led to my family and adoption.
Although I hope nothing is quite that drastic for you, it has occurred to me several times this year that these memories we are making may be the real things that stand out later in your life. I wonder what you will remember about this time. How you will remember this prime time of childhood.
I won't lie... there have been some less than fun times. Growing pains for the both of us as you grow into your own person and start to want a little more independence. Learning how to let go just that little bit as you explore who you are. It has also come with way more moments of frustration and attitude. I feel like it's so hard for me to walk you through those intense moments of anger, when I have such a difficult time controlling it in myself. I hope you look back and see a mom who tried every day. Who was doing her best to break cycles. Who lost it more than she'd like to admit but who also took time to apologize and talk it through. I worry a lot about the future of our relationship in those moments... if I'm fostering the kind of relationship now that I hope to have as you enter into the teen years and beyond. But I'm trying to better about letting go of the mom guilt and enjoying every moment with you in this stage. Because it is beautiful!
You are so tender-hearted and kind. You love people and they seem to love you because you make people feel good when they're around you. You are an encourager and lead by example. You started third grade a few weeks ago and I've been blown away at how well you have managed with such big changes. Every day, you grow more responsible. I am so proud of you.
Anyway, I'm rambling (which by now, I'm sure you know I tend to do). I don't proof these letters. I just write what comes to mind so hopefully they make sense in the end. Mostly, what you need to know is I LOVE YOU! Unconditionally and always. Infinity x3.
Love,
Mommy
